Exactly ten years ago, I said “I do ” and married the best man that God created!!!
Marrying Layi has been the greatest blessing of my life and I truly do not know where I would be today without him. My life has been a dream come true and I cannot thank God enough for giving me such a great man! I have thrived with his nurturing and he still makes my heart do the “OMG happy dance” when he walks into the room!
I remember giggling as I walked down the aisle on our wedding day with my eyes locked on my best friend who was about to become my groom. Time really did stop for me as I walked down that aisle, crossing the bridge to step into the brand new world of marriage. I thought I had everything figured out when we started our married life but I have since learnt so many lessons. I will be sharing the top 10 lessons with you and my prayer is that you will pick up something that will make your marriage or relationship better.
1. Friendship does matter
For real – marry your friend! My husband is my best friend and that has sustained our marriage. We talk a lot and laugh a lot. We have very busy work schedules but we make it a priority to catch up at the end of each day and most nights, we fall asleep talking. He is truly my best company and we talk about everything – no topic is off limit.
To my single friends – marry your friend. Take the time to really know each other while dating (save the kisses, smooches and stuff for muchhhhhhh later). Discover each other’s likes, dislikes, childhood stories, ambitions, strengths and weaknesses.
If you are already married, keep nurturing your friendship. If you are not really good friends with your spouse- take the time to build a deep friendship: Talk. Ask questions. Truly show interest. Spend time together. Be dependable.
2. Fall in love with someone who loves God more than you
The hierarchy is absolutely clear in our marriage. God first and then each other. I love the way my husband loves the Lord! There are certain things that I know my husband will not do because he loves God. He has such a tender relationship with God that challenges me to be more yielded. Things are very straightforward for him when God speaks. He doesn’t ‘t seem to engage in the mental gymnastics, kicking and screaming that tend to be my default. Living with him has made me a better Christian. Our mutual love for God is the core of our marriage.
To my single friends – marry someone who really loves God. There are many things that will change in life but if your spouse truly loves God, the most important things will not change. Please do not plan to “convert” your partner after marriage. That is not your job and it doesn’t always work out as planned.
To my married friends – make God the center of your marriage. It is never too late to dedicate your relationship to God. Be willing to work at your relationship and be committed to make things work.
3. Make great memories!
It is important to make great memories! The shared experiences – good and bad – will strengthen your marriage. Over the past 10 years, Hubby and I have shared many treasured experiences and created great memories.
However, even though we do so many things together, we do not agree on everything. For example, we are both passionate about soccer but we have different clubs! I still don’t understand how a charmingly brilliant and anointed man would be a Manchester United fan! I am an ardent Arsenal fan and I have no intention of changing. I grit my teeth when we have to take family pictures at the Manchester United home base at Old Trafford. Alarmingly, our two treasures are becoming little Manchester United fans – where did I go wrong?!
4. Adore your spouse
It is important to keep your spouse at the center of your life. Let there be absolutely no doubt about how you feel about each other. Keep the fire of love burning and let it blaze! Adore your spouse and let it be obvious.
I lovey-dovey on my husband big time! My earliest memories are of him playing the piano. Needless to say, seeing him on the piano flips my switch! I fall in love all over again and stare at him adoringly. The irony is that he is usually so locked into the zone when playing but that makes me love him even more!!!
5. Dreaming together makes life an adventure
Dreaming together is powerful! In our marriage, we have endless conversations about the possibilities of destiny! We paint vivid pictures of our future. Dreaming together makes life an adventure. It has been a blessing to see our dreams begin to come true! Now we dream with our children. Together we dream of what we want to do, the places we want to go, and nothing is out of range (FYI- visiting another planet is on our list)
Another great advantage of dreaming together is that when God makes the dream a reality, the evidence is undeniable. Many times, we sit and marvel at the greatness of the God who cares about the little details of our lives. The testimonies become reference points for our family as we continue to build a track record with God. In the face of challenges, it has been a blessing to tell each other and our children that the Lord who did “that” will also do “this “ .
Testimonies become a memorial. Believe God together.
6. Praying together keeps the marriage together
It is comforting to know that we can both call on God individually. However it has been powerful to pray together, believe God together and seek God together. There have been times in our marriage when we walked the floor together in prayer in the dark of the night. We have been able to take our challenges to God in complete dependence on Him. There have been times when we literally had to be on prayer guard all night, handing off to each other so the other can get some sleep while we kept prayer watch. Praying together has drawn us closer together in the good times and the bad times. Praying together has made our marriage so much stronger.
Make it a priority to pray together in your marriage or relationship. The unity in prayer gives your prayer more power.
7. Grow Together
It is important to grow together as a couple, learn new things, go places, read books, take classes and evolve together. All the things that connect you should not be in the past. The fun times in your marriage should not be about things that you used to do. Make it a priority to continue to grow together – personally and professionally.
We laugh at each other when we remember our early fashion tastes, investment ideas, TV shows, etc. It has been a joy to look back and see how far we have come together but it has been more fun to grow into our future together. We usually transfer good books from one bedside table to another with squeals of “you need to read this book!”
A few years ago, we started ice skating together, taking classes, falling down on the ice and learning the swivels and crossovers at our individual paces. He is now a budding hockey player but I am still super cautious on those thin blades! However the joy is that we can both get on the ice and have a good time together!
8. Create margin for each person to grow
While it is important to grow together, it is also critical to create margin in your marriage for each spouse to grow and explore new things and the boundaries of their potential. Support each other and cheer each other on! I love to write and guess who reads everything that I write and edits my work – my precious husband! He lets me go on and on (and I mean on and on…) about the book ideas, blog ideas and all the writing ideas that flood my head. He encourages me to keep writing and be the absolute best. I do the same for his music and business plans. We cheer each other on and it’s refreshing!
Do not make your partner stop doing something he/she loves because you don ‘t enjoy it. Be each other’s greatest cheer leader.
9. Put things (and people) in perspective
Learn to put things in perspective in your marriage. Years from now, some of the things that are super important to you right now will not matter at all – you won’t even remember the details. It is also important to know that people will come and go – don ‘t let them separate you! You will meet friends, colleagues, mentors, etc. who would seem very important in a season of your married life. Learn from them and enjoy the journey of life together but do not let them become strongholds in your marriage. Put people in perspective. They will move on and you will be left with your spouse. Years from now, they may not be in your lives anymore. Protect your marriage and keep each other at the center.
10. The best days are ahead
Finally, maximize each phase of your life together. Enjoy every moment and don’t postpone your joy. Do not wait till a specific time to enjoy each other. Do not schedule your fulfillment. Make each day a masterpiece! However, never forget that no matter how great today is, your best days together are ahead. Do not let the challenge of today loom and overshadow everything else. Tomorrow is another day and things will be better for you. That anticipation will make you look forward to each new day. Things will get better.
Like good wine that gets better with age, a great marriage gets better with the years. I can also tell you that the 10th anniversary honeymoon is so much better, sweeter, richer and more memorable than the first!
